Mother Hen upon the cobbles

Placed her chickens in a row

Felt so proud about their cleanness

That she nearly tried to crow

This is an excerpt from one of my three-year-old daughter’s books. As you can tell, it’s a very old book. It’s been in our family for over thirty years.

So why show it to you?

Well, because it’s a great example of how communication changes over time. What worked once might well not do now.

For instance, these days, certain words don’t always cause the desired effect in the office…

… need, now, urgent, asap…

These words don’t always land well.

They are from the sender’s point of view, not the recipient’s. After all (and I know how you answer this will depend on who the sender is…) but what do you do when you receive words like this from others? Do you speed up? Stay the same? Slow down?!

And what do others do when they receive these words from you?

Action Point

A useful exercise is to see what you write (which can be very different to what you think you write).

Open a couple of your recent Sent Items and review your Call To Action.

Worth re-phrasing?

For instance, ‘please can you’ often gets a quicker response than ‘I need you to’…

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The ability to ‘work a room’ is a key business skill. But it is not easy… How to start? What to say? How to get away from somebody boring…

I recently asked an audience of 300 whether they thought they hated networking more than everybody else in the room. Over half put their hands up. I said “you can’t all be right”.

Yes, networking is hard. But it’s hard for everybody. To have a productive conversation, remember the four steps ‘in / you / me / out’….

In

Get into the conversation. Approach someone and ask “Mind if I join you?” When they say “yes”, this step is complete.

You

Talk about them first. It’s more polite to do this than talk about yourself. It’s easier – you don’t have to think of amazing things to say. It helps them feel comfortable with you. It tells you about them, so you can tailor what you say during the conversation.

To stimulate chat about them, ask questions:

• Introductory questions, to kick things off – What do you do? How’s business?
• Unearthing questions, to find their key areas of focus – In your company, what are you responsible for?
• The Big Question (you will need this later) – Who are good contacts for you?

Me

They will then ask about you. It’s more interesting to talk about what you cause – “I help companies pay less tax” – than what you do – “I’m an accountant”.

When they ask for more information, examples of successes you’ve caused for others are much more memorable than listing all your products and services (remember – facts tell, stories sell).

Out

If you want to follow-up with them…

• Ask for their business card
• Ask when they want you to call them
• Ask if you can write the date/time on the back of their card. (This makes it ‘official’ that you will be calling)
• End the conversation. “I’ve enjoyed talking to you tonight. I will call you on Monday, as agreed”

If you don’t want to follow-up, use their answer to The Big Question to help you extricate yourself… “I’ve enjoyed our conversation. You mentioned earlier that you want to speak to lawyers. If I bump into any, would you like me to pass them your way?” [Yes, please]. “Great, I will do. Enjoy your evening”.

And don’t forget…

• Follow-up – call when you said you would, or everything above is a total waste of time
• Never sell when networking (it’s really annoying for the other person). Securing a second meeting is the best outcome you can get, so aim only for that
• To get best results when working a room, make sure you’re in the right room. If you want to speak to lawyers, go to rooms that are full of lawyers

Action Point

Next time you’re networking, use in / you / me / out at the event, and follow-up afterwards.

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Have you noticed that, whenever someone says ‘with respect…’, they follow it with something disrespectful?

Or when, in response to asking someone for help, they reply with ‘Sure, it’s the least I can do’. Charming. Couldn’t they do more than the minimum possible?

Or, when you tell someone you’ve lost something, and they helpfully say “How frustrating. And it will be in the last place that you look”. Of course it will. You’re hardly going to find it, and then think “Right, I’ll now go and check if it’s in the kitchen”.

Words and phrases we hear every day can mean very different things to the sender than the receiver…

When people give unsolicited feedback, they think ‘this will help you’…

… but the receiver can think ‘you’re telling me for your benefit, not mine’

When presenters say ‘summary’, they think ‘here’s a pithy reminder of my salient points’…

…but audiences can think ‘great – he’s nearly finished. I’ll just wait for him to repeat himself in this summary (which I’m not listening to because I’m packing up), then I can do the next thing in the diary’

When a salesperson says ‘we were founded in 1922′, they think ‘we’re established, robust, safe’…

… but customers can think ‘so, you’re old’

When people title communications ‘update’ and ‘FYI’, they think ‘this will inform them’…

… but the receiver can think ‘boring… and what am I supposed to do with this info?’

It’s hard for you to second guess how people might misunderstand your communication – after all, you wrote it so it makes perfect sense to you. So, it’s always worth…

Action point

… for important communications, show them to someone else first – someone who’s opinion you trust, and who knows your intended audience. Ask what they think is good, doesn’t work, is confusing etc, and make any resulting changes.

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When filming Star Wars, Harrison Ford was having problems saying some of Han Solo’s lines. He told the director George Lucas, “George, you can type this [stuff], but you sure can’t say it”.

Later that year, George Lucas was nominated for an Oscar for best screenplay.

The first time I saw Ryan Giggs play for Manchester United, I was 19. I said to my friend “I doubt a 16 year old boy will be able to influence a match played by men”.

After 20 minutes, United were 3-0 up. Giggs had scored one and set up the other two. He’s gone on to be the most consistently good player in England – maybe Europe – over the past 20 years.

Now, it’s not often I think there are similarities between Harrison Ford and me (surprising, I know), but here’s one. We’ve both learned that …

First impressions aren’t always right

The great thing about this sentence is there are lots of applications for it. Here are ten Tips, all based on this one fact…

First impressions may not always be right, but they can be disproportionately important, so …

1. Practise the start of your communications a lot (when I’m presenting, I spend 20% of my prep time on the first 1% of my talk)
2. When preparing a document, ensure your first sentence contains the benefit of reading it
3. When preparing documents/slides, ensure the cover page/first slide looks impressive. Get it professionally designed, if need be
4. Dress appropriately
5. If you have to stand up to start a presentation, do so with pace. Don’t drag yourself up
6. When speaking, make sure your first few words are a little louder than you usually speak, so you make a clear start.

But, first impressions aren’t always right. So, ensure you are doing the best thing, not the first thing you thought of …

1. On major projects, regularly ask “what’s changed? Is there a better way for us to approach this?”
2. Think of the colleague who impresses you. Ask yourself “what is the worst thing about them?” (not so you start disliking them, but rather to ensure you’re giving appropriate – not too much – weight to what they say)
3. Think of someone who annoys you. Ask yourself if this is because they’re annoying now, or because you’re still annoyed by something they once did early in your working relations… and/or consider whether it’s worth saying to them “I don’t think we started off very well. Let’s try again”
4. When you have a brilliant idea, your first impression might be to throw loads of resource at it. If it’s a brilliant idea today, it will still be brilliant next week. Sleep on it before you start investing lots of time and money into something you shouldn’t

This Tip’s title might have suggested it would all be about Han Solo. It’s actually developed into something very different. These first impressions …

Action point

A good thing about having ten Tips is that you have ten things to choose from.

A bad thing is that you might not be sure where to start. So, you might not start.

It’s probably best to action the 1-2 Tip(s) that are most relevant to you.

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Here are five questions. You have two seconds to answer each…

1. What’s the opposite of “not in”?

2. What do cows drink?

3. What weighs more – a ton of metal or a ton of feathers?

4. How much dirt is in a hole measuring 2 metres by 3 metres by 4 metres?

5. Why has the word “gullible” been removed from the dictionary?

How did you get on? The answers were: in, water, the same, none, it hasn’t.

Did you get them all? Or did you say: out, milk, metal, 24m2 and “Really? I never knew that”?

The problem with speed

We make such quick decisions sometimes, that we sacrifice accuracy for speed. And, while we don’t have to get everything 100% right, things do need to be “right enough”.

When you spend the “right enough” amount of time preparing communications, you get things “right enough” first time. This saves lots of follow-up, grief and hassle.

It sounds so obvious. So, let’s have another quick quiz. Do you ever…

1. Send things “FYI” without giving it any thought?

2. Turn up to chair a meeting totally unprepared?

3. Show slides from last time’s presentation, even when some aren’t relevant for this time’s?

4. Forget to spell-check?

5. Say “I need you to”, rather than “please can you”?

How did you get on? (By the way, the answer should be no, no, no, no and no)

Action point

Two actions this week …

… Think of the biggest project you’re working on, and ask yourself how long it might take to recover if you don’t communicate it well. Then, ask yourself if your communications are right enough.

… If you answered “Yes” to any of the second quiz’s questions … stop doing that!

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To a Wig Salesman, I appear an ideal customer (one quick glance at my photo will explain why).

Except I’m not.

You see, hair and I don’t get on. Never have. I have no interest in owning a wig.

Even though I need one, I don’t want one. So I’m not buying one.

Instead, as a Wig Salesman, your best bet is to find someone who wants a wig. This could well be someone who already has lots of hair…

So people’s decisions are often motivated – rightly or wrongly – by what they want, not what they need.

This means that trying to persuade someone by explaining they need something often doesn’t work. It is better to show that your offering will lead to them getting more of what they want. So…

… “You need to attend that meeting” is not as compelling as “I want to give you the clarity you seek, to help you find it easier to make better decisions. To that effect, there is a meeting next week which …

… “You need to send me your figures” is not as persuasive as “let’s ensure you get paid your commission as soon as possible. To make sure you do, please could you send me your figures”.

… Instead of “you need to reply to my proposal”, try “to make sure you get your desired results as quickly as possible, please can I ask you to hit reply and….”

Action point

You need to adopt the above techniques every single…

No, let’s start again.

If you think this Tip will help you get quicker ‘yeses’ from others, change your focus…

… from “you need to say ‘yes’”

… to “saying ‘yes’ will give you more of what you want”

P.S. Last week, I attached a quick survey to help ensure these Tuesday Tips are giving you exactly what you want. If you didn’t have time to complete it, and have 1-2 minutes spare now, please click here

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Proving you deliver value is a critical skill to master.

From persuading interviewers to pick you, to convincing your boss to promote you; from persuading customers to buy, to your team to buy-in… unless others see your “value”, they won’t choose you.

There are many ways of doing this, but here’s one that often works… Ensure you cause them to think:

“Do you know, I have never thought of it like that”

Achieve this, and people are more likely to view you as someone who adds to their thinking. And, when this happens, you’re giving them great reasons to choose you.

You could show them a new approach to an existing problem, lessons you’ve learned from speaking to others, a useful fact they didn’t know they didn’t know…

This advice sounds so simple. But, does it work?

Well, if you’ve found this Tip valuable, I guess you’ve also thought “do you know, I have never thought of it like that”…

Action point

Identify somebody who you want to impress, and think …

• What do they want to achieve?
• What new thinking can I bring, to help them achieve it?
• Share this with them, and then ask how you can further help, going forward …

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One simple rule of good customer service:

‘Ask questions to find what your internal and external customers love. And, when you find out, do lots of it’

When I ask my coaching clients what they love most about our work together, their most popular response is my guidance on how to initiate the conversations they didn’t know how to start.

The keys to doing this are…

Know your first sentence before you start the conversation – this requires advance prep

1. Know your first sentence before you start the conversation – this requires advance prep
2. Ensure your Sentence One triggers a response of  “tell me more”, by making it…

• intriguing, and/or
• in the other person’s interest for you to continue

3. Stop early, so they ask you to keep going (thus, asking you to start the conversation you wanted to have in the first  place)

A few examples…

Want to change the way a colleague thinks of you?

“I’ve been thinking …. I am not sure the way we work together is bringing you as much value as it could” [They reply, “What do you mean?”. You say “Well, it would be better if ....” and then start your conversation]

Want to revisit a situation that went badly?

“You taught me something invaluable the other day. Thank you”. [“What was that?” “Well, do you remember when X happened ....”]

Want to start a conversation that you know will be challenging, but which needs to be said?

“I think it’s fair to say that neither of us was happy with how X turned out. I have an idea about how I can rectify things”. [“What is it?” “Well...."]

Choose your own sentences, of course. But if your Sentence One is good, they will ask you for your Sentence Two, so the conversation you wanted has started.

Let’s finish with one of my favourites – one that pretty much always works. Sometimes, people want to ask a stakeholder certain questions but, for some reason, don’t feel they can – they don’t want to take their time, they don’t want to be seen to not know something.

If you are ever in this situation, try this …

“The last thing I want to do is bore you, by giving you irrelevant information. So, do you mind if I ask some questions?”

What could they possibly say in response? “No thanks. Be irrelevant and bore me”?! No, they will say “What do you want to ask?” and away you go.

Action point

Got an imminent conversation you are not sure how to start? Try the above three steps to create your Sentence One. Remember, the only aim of Sentence One is that they want to hear Sentence Two.

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To become an expert at an activity, you need to invest 10,000 hours of purposeful practice, even if you’re someone who others perceive to be gifted.

These were the findings of Andres Ericsson of Florida State University, following his studies of violinists and pianists.

This might explain why many people have such trouble improving their communication skills. After all, if you’ve already spent 10,000 hours communicating in a certain way, you’ll be an expert at that way. Even if it’s not the best way to do it.

So, to become an expert communicator, simply practise the improved way for 10,000 hours and you’ll be great. Easy.

Now, at this point, people usually say ‘So, if I’m going to get really good at this, I’m going to have to spend thousands of hours practising. That might take me six years!’

But, in six years time, you’re going to be six years older anyway. So, you’re not saving any time by not doing it. All that will happen will be that you’re even more of an expert at your current communication style – the one you want to change – you’re just a lot older now…

Action point

Think of a new communication technique you’ve tried to adopt, but have since reverted to your old ways. Incorporate the new technique into your very next communication and see if it works.

If it does, remember the phrase ‘It worked so well, I never did it again!’… Why not put a weekly diary reminder in saying ‘Don’t forget to keep doing X’

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“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”

I’m not sure things are quite as black and white as this phrase suggests, but it is unarguable that enhancing your network enhances your prospects.

There are hundreds of ways to do this, of course, but here are a couple of techniques to help you do so effectively and simply…

Firstly, remember the Golden Rule of Networking…

‘Always bring value to the other person’

The more you help them, the more they help you. The more they help you, the more successful you are.

But, this takes time. So it’s important to prioritise, spending most of your networking time with those contacts who can best amplify your value. This means networking with people who have both the…

• Power to amplify your value, and
• Desire to do so

A simple way to evaluate your current network is to list your key contacts and grade each as to their Power and Desire. So, the CEO who fully respects the value you bring would be a (high, high); the Board member who doesn’t know you would be a (high, low) and the junior part-time assistant would be a (low, low).

Once you have this list, to increase the value you bring your network – and therefore the value your network brings you – identify the best actions to take with each person…

• For all your (High, high) people – work hard to continually bring them value, which they can amplify to bring enhanced value to their organisation and their stakeholders
• (High, low) – work hard to develop your relationship, to learn the value they seek, and then do all you can to give it to them
• (Low, high) – work hard to maximise your relationship – the more you help them, the more powerful they become
• (Low, low) – work hard to prioritise your resources, so you spend an appropriate amount of time networking with them

You will notice that all these actions begin with the words “work hard”. That’s because it’s called net-work, not net-wait-for-something-to-happen…

Action Point

This week’s Action Point is simple … create the Power-Desire list, and do the actions that will bring each person maximum value

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When you ask your internal customers what they want you to deliver, how would you describe their responses?

Insightful? Inspiring? Clear? Value-enhancing?

Or do you find – as many do – that their responses rarely give you the focus and motivation to deliver exactly what they need. Sadly, as business relationships become too comfortable, with insufficient challenge and questioning of the status quo, this can often be the case.

If you want better relationships from them, if you want better answers from them, you have to ask better questions…

• The only way to add value to someone is if you help their future be better than their present. So, ask future-based questions – “If you could deliver just one new outcome for your key stakeholder, what would it be?”; “what do you want to achieve that’s different this year?” etc

• Ask excellent “second questions” in response to their answers to your first…

- Why would that be good/bad?
- How do you know that’s what’s needed?
- How will you know that our work has been a success?

• Be clear on the context…”So, does what you’re saying relate to everyone, or just certain people? When is the problem at its biggest?”

• Involve them in your involvement…”how do you think I can best help?”

• Don’t focus solely on the positives; unearth their concerns too… “What are you most worried about? How do you think we can best overcome this?”

Comfortable relationships could – and do – lead to uncomfortable results. Are yours producing all they could?

Action point

Think of your key contacts, and ask yourself…

• Do I know exactly where they want to be in the future?
• Do I know how I can best help them get there?

If you don’t know the answer to either/both questions, find out.

If you think you do, ask them to check you’re right!

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I have worked with countless Boards, Executive groups and panels, to improve the standard of presentations they receive from their colleagues (the brief usually being ‘This organisation wastes days of Executive time, as we listen to poorly prepared presentations. Help us help our people deliver presentations we want to see’).

Here are Executives’ most common complaints about the presentations they see, and simple techniques to overcome them …

… “I don’t know why you’re telling me this. What do you want me to do?”

…Solution: as per previous Tuesday Tips, create the “call to action” slide first, outlining clearly what the Execs are to do – endorse something, agree budget etc.

… “Presenters get derailed by questions”

… Solution: before a presentation, presenters should guess the Execs’ likely questions, and practise the answers. Remember to keep answers short. After all, if Executive A asks a question, maybe only Executive A wants the answer. So, a detailed response will frustrate Executives Band C

… “They haven’t practised”

… Solution: practise! If someone’s first full run-through is in front of their bosses, it won’t be optimal. In particular, practise the start, so you definitely begin well

… “Their slides are very poor quality and/or unrealistic”

… Solution: invest time on your slides. Also, I have heard many comments about people bringing a 40-slide deck to a 20-minute presentation… That’s just unrealistic

… “Executives’ time is incredibly important – it should be respected”

… Solution: create presentations that impress, persuade and take the minimum amount of Executives’ time. As always, the best way to find the information Executives need is to ask them before you prepare

These are the most frequent complaints I hear about people’s presentations to their bosses. Fortunately, all are easy to fix.

Action point

When sitting through your direct reports’ presentations…

When you allow bad behaviour to continue, it enables it. Give them simple rules to follow, so they deliver presentations you want to see.

When presenting to your bosses…

Review your last presentation, and ask yourself how well you satisfied each of the five points above. For your next presentation, make sure it’s better.

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“When I see crumbs on the in-flight table, I think the wings will fall off”

In other words, if they can’t do something as basic as clean this aeroplane, I doubt that they can do something as complex as fly the thing.

With communication, the smallest crumb-like imperfection can cause big alarm bells to ring…

… presentations to senior stakeholders without a call to action – “if you don’t know what you want me to do next, how can I feel confident that you know what to do next?”

… proposals containing spelling and grammatical errors – “if you can’t get the basics right when you know I am looking, what mistakes will happen when you don’t think I am?”

… companies that sell by talking about themselves, not the customer – “I’m having trouble thinking you’re customer focused, since you haven’t mentioned me yet.”

… presentations outlining innovative solutions, accompanied by terrible slides – “I doubt you can deliver a truly cutting-edge solution if you can’t even produce a decent set of slides”

It’s impossible to get everything right every time we communicate, but it’s inexcusable not to spend a few extra minutes cleaning up the crumbs.

After all, for people to think you’re good, you must communicate ‘good’.

Action point

When you have completed your next key communication, before you deliver it, ask yourself:

• Do the content, visuals and delivery all give the same impression?
• Is that impression congruent with my message?
• What will my audience perceive to be my crumbs, and how can I remove them?

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Branding expert Lesley Everett likens your personal brand to what people say about you when you are not there.

So, if you could hand-pick your own personal brand, what would you want others to say about you?

When I ask people this question, they often reply with such words as “inspiring”, “helpful”, “powerful”, “reliable” etc.  These are all wonderful attributes to have, of course, but all focus on how good you are, not how much value you bring.

Wouldn’t you prefer people to say “she gets great results from her people”; “I know things will be OK when she becomes involved”; “he gets stuff done”.

If you want others to think you deliver value, then work hard to bring unexpected value to them.

For instance, you could introduce them to useful contacts, invite them to events, offer your time, send them useful articles, ask about their goals and offer to help achieve them, provide advice (for instance, if you think someone would benefit from this Tuesday Tip, forward it on!), offer to speak at their Conferences, and so on.

The more people recognise you for the value you bring, the more they will tell others about how valuable you are … and the better your personal brand becomes.

Action point

Think of a stakeholder who you want to impress.  Identify 2-3 ways to bring them value in ways that they perceive to be valuable.

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An Elevator Pitch. The summary in a sentence. The first impression.

It has to be good. It must trigger interest, so people want to know more.

But have you noticed how boring they are? “This presentation explains our new focus”, “Our department markets our company’s services”, “I am an accountant”.

These don’t make people ask for more information. In fact, the only response I can think of to “I am an accountant” is “Oh, are you?”

Powerful Elevator Pitches have three elements:

1. The subject – who/what it’s about
2. A verb – what the subject causes (not what it is)
3. The AFTERs – how the subject enhances the beneficiary’s future

So “this presentation explains our new focus” becomes “(1) This presentation (2) will help (3) you deliver better results in the next few months”

“Our department markets our company’s services” becomes “Our department ensures our target market knows about – and is impressed by – us, and that our Salesforce has everything it needs to convince them to buy”

Instead of “I am an accountant”, how about…

… “I help companies grow faster than they dreamed possible”, or

… “I ensure business owners maximise their return when they sell up”, or
… “I stop people paying tax they don’t have to”

These Elevator Pitches satisfy the twin aims of stimulating interest and triggering requests for more information.

Do yours?

Action point

How do you describe yourself, your job, your department, your initiatives, your organisation? Do you describe what you cause (interesting) or what you are (less so)?

To trigger more interest from others, create Elevator Pitches using the three steps above.

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A recurring theme of these Tuesday Tips: the first step of preparing effective communication is to identify what you want your audience to do after it. In other words, start with the Call To Action, and then create content that maximises your chance of your audience doing it.

These Calls To Action must be actionable. But most aren’t. “Enhance our division’s reputation”, “get closer to our customers”, “be more self aware”, “bring more value to our stakeholders”, “hit your targets” are good Rallying Calls; but they often leave people thinking “I would love to, but how?”.

One simple way to help them is…

1. State the Rallying Call
2. Say “for instance”
3. Give examples of things they could do first, to get started…

“Going forward, I want you to enhance our division’s reputation within the company. For instance, you could…

… call your key stakeholders, and ask how we can help them more;
… think what’s been well received in the past, and do it again;
… ask your peers how they have enhanced their reputation internally, and copy it;
… identify other divisions that impress you, and learn from them”

These examples give your audience ideas they can use, or be influenced by. It makes them more likely to act.

After all, if they know where to start, they’re more likely to start.

Action Point

Review your recent Calls To Action…

Are they easy to act on? If not, incorporate some “for instances” to guide your audiences how to start.

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Great leaders get things done. So, their communications must cause others to do things.

However, most business communication isn’t like this. Instead of causing the do, it transfers understanding… ‘Let’s share the new strategy, relay the company’s vision, update each other, upskill the team…’

But, transferring understanding only makes people cleverer. We want them to act.

So, when creating a communication…

1. Think what you want the recipient(s) to do after it, and then
2. Decide what to say, to achieve this do

This approach (1) gets things done (2) quickly. It leads to less pointless, meandering communications. After all, which meeting would you rather attend? One starting with “Today’s meeting will last 60 minutes and the agenda is …” or “This meeting’s aim is to help us do X and Y. As soon as we can, we’ll finish”.

Action Point

Apply the above two steps to your next communication. If it helps, imagine your communication finishing, and the recipient(s) going to their desk and… Well, what do they do now? Sign-off something? Ring / email somebody? Prepare a document?

After all, when they know what you want them to do, they’re more likely to do it.

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