When someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to, you only have three options:-

1. Say “yes”, and wish you hadn’t – bad for you and, therefore possibly, them
2. Say “no, I’m not doing that” – bad for them and, therefore quite probably, you
3. Say “I can help you, but not in the way you suggested” – often the best. For both you and them: they get the help they want (albeit in a different guise) and you impress.

When using this third option, the key rules to remember are:-

• Show willingness to help
• Emphasise that you saying “no” to their request is in their interest

Some examples…

When you’re asked to do something, and are short of time…

Them: Can you send me a report on X by Friday?

You: I can definitely get something to you by Friday. Exactly what information do you want? [They answer you] With both your and my time being so tight, rather than you having to read a full report, instead I could do the research, and call you Wednesday to discuss it. I could then send over a summary of our key points on Thursday. Ok?

When you’re asked to do something, but don’t feel able to…

Them: Can you run a workshop on X for me?

You: I’m keen to help, but don’t think that’s the best way I can. I haven’t got much experience in running workshops like this, and I don’t want to dilute the work you’re doing. Instead, I could speak to Mark: he is great at running workshops, and I could brief him on what we need to cover. Also, I could help you by doing X as well. Ok?

When you’re asked to send a document/proposal which could take you ages…and might not even be read…

Them: Please send a document through to me next week.

You: I’d be pleased to. I’m eager not to bore you with irrelevant information. Do you mind if I ask a couple of questions about what you want to include?

All these work well. But, you can see why the last one works instantly. After all, they are hardly going to reply, “No – please be irrelevant and bore me”

Action Point

When someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do, use the above scripts – or something similar – to satisfy both you and them. That way, they get the outcomes they want, and you have helped… even if it is not in the way that they first thought.

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People fund long-term assets (e.g. a car) with long-term finance (a loan); and short-term assets (iPod) with short-term finance (credit card).

After all, I’ve yet to see someone pay for a shirt by taking out a mortgage.

Similarly, if you want to change the way your colleagues think, feel and act forever, you’re going to have to tell them many times, over a long period of time.

One presentation, given once, is frankly never going to be enough…

… though, with all the important messages we hear only once – ‘This year’s objectives’, ‘Our new strategy’ etc – this is another example of common sense not equalling common practice.

To maximise your chances of causing long-term improvement, you will need some/all of …

1. Pre-launch questions, to find your stakeholders’ key objectives and concerns

2. Launch communications, tailored to address these objectives and concerns

3. Relentless, disciplined, focused, follow-up communications, where you do some/all of…

• Deliver weekly updates
• Share success stories
• Institutionalise a coaching programme
• Publicise early wins
• Host regular meetings, for all relevant groups
• Seek feedback, both formal and informal
• Stimulate water-cooler chats
• Select and train-up mentors
• Delegate important follow-up roles to your best people
• Etc

You would never buy a house with a credit card.

And you will never cause long-term change with one short-term communication.

Action point

List your current projects, and split them between those seeking to cause a long-term or a short-term impact.

Ensure each project’s communications are of the appropriate quality, quantity and duration, given what you’re looking to achieve.

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If you were digging for gold, and could use either a pneumatic drill or a spade, which would you choose?

The drill, right? It’s easier, and would hit gold quicker.

The problem though is that the drill digs too quickly. So, yes, you’ll reach the gold earlier, but you’ll then keep hurtling downwards, missing the rest of it.

Contrast that with a spade. You’ll take longer but, when you hit gold, you’ll then dig sideways, along the vein. So, the spade will take more time, but you’ll get much more value from using it.

Why’s this relevant to… well, anything? Well, when asking others what they want you to communicate, treat their answers like gold. And use a spade to delve deeply into what they say, using…

• questions – why, when, what, how etc; and/or
• prompting phrases – ‘tell me more’, ‘please expand on that’, ‘anything else?’ etc

So, if you’re preparing a presentation for the Board about your current initiative, a preparation call with a Board member might go like this…

You: What would you like us to cover?
Them: Just give us a quick update
You: What in particular do you want updating on?
Them: The impact when we move into Belgium
You: Why Belgium?
Them: Because it’s our focus now
You: Why is that?
Them: Because it looks like being our biggest market
You: Can you expand on that please?
Them: [They give more detail]
You: And what aspects of my initiative do you think are most relevant to your aims for Belgium?
[They reply]
You: And have you any concerns you’d like us to address?
[They reply]
Etc etc

It looks a lot. But it isn’t. This interchange would only take a few minutes max.

But imagine if you hadn’t asked any questions at all; or you hadn’t used your spade to delve… you’d have missed the Board’s key focus – your impact on their plans for Belgium – something that wasn’t even mentioned until their third answer. And, even then, what they really want from you is their answers to your final two questions. So…

Asking no questions – bad idea.

Asking one or two – often, not much better.

Spending a few minutes digging with your spade – often leads to better, shorter, more successful communication.

Action point

Create a list of prompting questions/phrases, and use them as a guide when asking audiences what they want you to cover (remember: you must be flexible and present in the conversation with them, ready to tailor your responses to their responses).

And, remember to WAIT while they’re answering, where WAIT stands for Why Am I Talking?!

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Life is full of people who love to say ‘no’.

Whether it’s the fear of new things, the comfort of old, or the need to exert their influence, it’s often easier for them to say…

“The answer’s ‘no’. Now, what was your question?”

The problem is that, if we ask such people ‘should we go ahead?’, they’ll invariably decline.

One solution – and you won’t believe how easy this sounds, or how often it works – is to include a negative in your question. This means their ‘no’ becomes ‘yes’. For example…

• You: ‘Can you think of good reason why we shouldn’t go ahead?’
• Them: ‘No’
• You: ‘Great. Let’s get started. I’ll kick things off by doing X’

See how it works?

Also, note how to start momentum by – immediately after their ‘no’ (ie now, their ‘yes’) – saying what you’ll do, to get things going.

This often works amazingly well for something so simple. So much so, that it’s important to use it with integrity. We’re not looking to convince someone to do something they never wanted to; instead, we want to help them agree to something acceptable to them which their ‘No Habit’ might have prevented.

Action point

Think who you know who says ‘no’ too quickly.

Re-frame your request for action to include a negative. When they ‘agree’, go straight to the momentum-building next step.

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Have you ever tried to launch a new initiative, but it didn’t go as well as you wanted?

Never pleasant.

One way to help ensure future launches succeed is to know what your target population thinks – their goals, hopes and concerns. You can then adapt your communications to show how your initiative addresses the areas that are important to them.

If the target population is small, ask them individually.

If it’s big, it might be quickest to survey them. There’s lots of good survey software around – much of it cheap – so it’s easy to do. It’s also easy to get it wrong. So remember to ensure …

• It’s easy for them to start to complete it – simple, closed questions early on, to get them going
• It’s easy and quick to complete the whole thing – as few questions as possible, to find the information you need
• There are clear benefits (to the population) of completing the survey
• You get a balanced view – ask for both their positive and negative views
• It’s clear how long it will take to complete
• You are clear what you will do with their responses

Here’s a very relevant example for you …

It’s important to both you and me that these Tuesday Tips cover the areas you find most beneficial. You want actionable advice in relevant areas. I want to deliver this for you.

Please can you help me?

Click here to tell me how I can make Tuesday Tips more useful to you. The survey will only take 1-2 minutes. I will add your comments to everyone else’s, and …

• Incorporate your feedback in future Tips and
• Share a summary of everyone’s responses with you

Action point

For your next new initiative, identify the best way – face-to-face questioning, online survey etc – to ask the questions you need, so you can tailor your messages so they land.

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When you communicate with others, you want them to engage immediately to maximise the chance of their attention and – ultimately – acceptance. This Tip will help you achieve this. Let me explain ….

Imagine that you work in Marketing and want to share your new strategy with a Manager of 50 salespeople. Which introduction would the Manager prefer?

“Here’s our Marketing Strategy for next year”; or

“I know you are keen to improve the performance of every one of your team, to reduce your dependence on the handful of superstars. We can help ensure this happens. I want to show you how, by running through our Marketing Strategy for next year”

Obviously, the latter will be more compelling. It starts with her agenda, not yours. It is much more likely to secure her buy-in.

The simple technique to achieve the above effect is the 4 Ws ….

• What you want – to improve every person’s performance
• Why you want it – to reduce dependence on the superstars
• We can help – “we can help”
• What we will do – here’s my strategy

Does it work? Well, check out the first sentence of this Tip…

Action point

For your next communication today, maximise your chance of early engagement by using the 4 Ws to create your introduction.

Let me know how you get on….

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A hundred years ago, the shipping company White Star Line was making its final preparations for Titanic’s maiden voyage. Imagine you had been working for them then – all that excitement, pride, focus…

Sadly, in all their excitement about the positives, they gave insufficient priority to the negatives. After all, if the voyage had been a success, nobody would have celebrated having had lots of lifeboats.

Communication can be like this. When working on projects, strategies and initiatives, in all the excitement, people often forget to ask Lifeboat Questions, such as…

• Why won’t this project be a success? What and how should we communicate, to ensure that it is?
• Which stakeholders will make or break this initiative? What and how should we communicate, to ensure they make it?
• Who might rebel against this strategy? What and how should we communicate, to pre-empt and remove their concerns?
• Which people are most worried about the outcome of this project? What and how should we communicate, to reassure them in a timely fashion?

When I’m brought in to help ensure initiatives succeed…

• my first questions always establish the desired future – What do you want to achieve? How will you know you have done so? Etc
• my second questions always establish what might go wrong – the Lifeboat Questions above.

Whenever I ask the latter, the response is usually “good question. I’ve never thought about that”. But doing so is critical. For instance, it unearthed such information as…

• the global company that realised the launch of their new service was going to antagonise virtually their entire existing salesforce, so they wouldn’t want to sell it
• the Board member who realised her presentation about this year’s new strategy would cause her overworked team to think “I haven’t any time to do this”, reducing the chances of their acceptance and adoption
• the company who realised that their new venture’s success/failure depended on how assiduously their Managers followed-up and changed their habits, but hadn’t given these Managers sufficient attention in their planning

Once you’ve identified the potential problems, minimise the chances of harm by proactive and early communication of relevant messages to relevant stakeholders.

Doing so works. But the weird thing is that, when things subsequently run smoothly, nobody celebrates the fact disaster was averted. It never even became an issue. But, on balance, I think most people prefer their boat to have enough Lifeboats. Just in case…

Action Point

For the most important project you’re currently working on…

• Ask yourself the Lifeboat Question above
• Then, if necessary, proactively communicate relevant messages to relevant stakeholders, to minimise the chance of subsequent problems

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One of the biggest growth areas of our business is coaching people how to get better outcomes from their challenging conversations, for instance with unhappy customers, staff whose expectations aren’t being met, peers who are too busy to help, and so on.

Sound familiar?

To hear some simple, effective ways to increase your chances of successful outcomes, I’ve recorded an audio outlining such techniques as how to …

• Avoid the Blame Game – after all, persuading someone they’re wrong is never a good way to win an argument
• Focus on finding solutions, rather than proving you’re right and they’re wrong
• Identify your objectives from the conversations, and identify how best to achieve them
• Identify their objections, and how best to overcome them
• Start these conversations, using sentences most likely to secure a satisfactory outcome

Action point

To access the audio ‘Good outcomes from challenging conversations’, click here

To access the other advice on our new website, click here

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Think of the main projects you’re currently working on now…At some point, it will be time to communicate its key messages to key stakeholders, to update them and/or persuade them to act.

When will you first think about this communication?

Many people do so later than they should. I’ve even seen ‘Right, project complete. Now, who shall we tell?’

Clearly, the earlier you consider your communication…

… the better – and shorter – it’s going to be (as we all know, short communications take the longest to create)

… the more time you have to think/ask questions about what content should be in there.

Also, preparing early allows you to build anticipation by using positive pre-comms…

… ‘I’m looking forward to discussing our findings. I can already see there will be huge cost savings for us’

… ‘I’ve discovered some useful insights. I was assuming I’d share these later, but would you prefer a quick update now?’

Many of our customers first approached us for guidance when they had a problem communicating a particular project or message. The key reason for the problem was almost always that they’d not considered communication early enough.

They now call us in at the start of key projects, not the end. Doing this has significantly increased both their stakeholder buy-in and their success.

Are you considering your communications early enough?

Action point

With all your projects, start thinking about your final communications now. What do you want to say? To whom? When will be the best time to say it?

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Have you noticed how some people don’t enter into effective two-way dialogues?  Instead, they take turns to have unrelated monologues…

Alice: I had a good meeting today.  Sally signed off my project.

Bob: I did too.  We had the most effective Board meeting we’ve ever had.

Alice: I know what you mean.  I was dreading asking Sally.  You know what she’s like.

Bob: I know.  And our Board meetings always drag on…

At first glance, this sounds like Alice and Bob are listening to each other. But they’re not. They are discussing totally different things.

As Covey said: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”.  A better approach would be…

Alice: I had a good meeting today.  Sally signed off my project.

Bob: Really?  What happened?

Alice: I was dreading asking her.  You know what she’s like

Bob: I know. So, how did you convince her?

Alice: Well, I … [tells story]

Bob: And how did you feel?

Alice: To be honest, relieved.  I … [tells story]

Bob: Well done.  I had a good meeting today too…

Can you see how Alice will respond to Bob now?  Because Bob followed Alice’s agenda, she is now more likely to show interest in his.

When both parties listen, both parties benefit.  How good are you at doing this?

Action point

Next time a conversation with somebody doesn’t go as planned, ask yourself “Am I listening enough here? Am I asking enough questions?” If you aren’t, start asking the other person to explain what they mean, give more detail etc.

The benefits to you both of you doing this will far outweigh your outcomes if you don’t.

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Persuading someone they’re wrong is not a good way to win an argument.

They will either defend themselves, or explain why they think you’re wrong.

This results in you both striving to prove that the other person is more ‘wrong’ than you – or, that you are more ‘right’. But it’s more important to find a solution, than it is to be right.

A better approach is to start the conversation in the right way. Something like…

“It’s fair to say that neither of us would choose things to be as they are. So, let’s work together to identify ways we can take things forward, such that we both feel comfortable”

Introductory sentences like this work because they…

… set the tone for a solution-focussed conversation
… show empathy with the other person
… are ‘joint’ – note the phrases “neither of us”, “let’s work together”, ”we”, “both feel comfortable” – and less “you versus me”
… acknowledge the past, but don’t stay there
… allow you to refer back to this introduction later, if the other party becomes too focussed on the past, rights/wrongs etc

Of course, introductions like this won’t work 100% of the time – after all, nothing always works – but you are more likely to arrive at a successful outcome starting here, rather than with “what were you thinking of?!”

Action point

When preparing for a challenging conversation, ensure you know two things: 

1. Your desired outcomes from the conversation (think mini-max: what is the minimum you’ll accept, and the maximum you think you might get); and
2. Your introductory sentence, so you set the right tone for the meeting

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I have a 13 year old daughter, Megan.  Consequently, I recently saw an interview with Zac Efron (apparently he stars in something called High School Musical?).  During the interview, the flirty interviewer asked: “Zac, if you were to take me on a date, where would we go?”

An interesting question to ask a millionaire movie-star.  He could have said anything – charter a private jet and fly her wherever she wanted to go, invite her to the Oscars, get her the best seats at a sporting event…

But, he suggested none of those.  Instead, he said…

“I don’t know. What do you like doing?”

“Dining out.”

“Well, in that case, I would take you to your favourite restaurant.”

Very nicely done – one simple question from him, and he was able to suggest exactly what she wanted.

This example perfectly illustrates a critical point: to give someone what they want, you have to know what they want.  And the best way to know this, is to ask them….

… Presenting to senior stakeholders? Ask them where they want you to focus

… Re-assuring your team following recent changes? Ask what their main concerns are, and what would help them feel more comfortable

… Presenting to a potential new customer? Ask what information they want you to share with them

You might not succeed quite as quickly as Zac Efron did, but you have much more chance of ticking people’s boxes if you know which boxes they want you to tick.

Action point

For your next key communication, ask your audience what they want you to cover, and tailor your content to that.

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A great message to the wrong person is the wrong message.

A company I know well is rightly proud of its ability to build long-term relationships with its clients. It has worked for years with a great many household names.

This company recently pitched to help an organisation with a high-profile, one-off, three-day event. Their key sales message was their uncanny ability to nurture long-lasting relationships.

They lost the pitch.

The feedback they received: “Our event is a one-off, lasting only three days. We don’t care how good you are at building long-term relationships”.

As I said above, a great message to the wrong person is the wrong message.

In order to tailor your messages to different stakeholders, by far the best method is to – wherever possible – ask them what they want you to talk about. Use insightful, interesting questions. Dig deep and respond to their responses. Listen to their agenda, rather than trying to impose yours.

If questioning isn’t possible or doesn’t work, your best bet might well be to JOLT them….

• Judged – how are they measured?
• Objectives – what are their personal goals?
• Like doing – what are their hobbies?
• Time – are they short of time?

Once you know you’re talking to a time-poor, target-driven, golf-obsessed, highly competitive sales person, it becomes much easier to tailor your messages accordingly.

Action point

Next time you’re communicating the same message to different stakeholders, tailor your content by asking each stakeholder group what they want to hear. If that doesn’t give you all you need, JOLT them.

Once you know what they want to hear, talk about that.

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Have you ever been bored during someone else’s presentation? Has someone else ever been bored during yours?

It’s notoriously hard to turn your agenda into theirs, and failing to do so causes big problems – strategies don’t land, stakeholders don’t engage, teams don’t buy-in, communications take too long … and don’t work.

To help both you and them enjoy your communications more, when preparing, play the “Why’s That Good Game”. Imagine your audience saying “Why’s that good?” to your agenda, and you replying with “Well, that’s a good thing for you because”. So, for a leader outlining her new strategy…

Leader: Here’s the new strategy

Audience: Why’s that good?

Leader: Well, that’s a good thing for you because you will know the direction we’re going

Audience: Why’s that good?

Leader: Well, that’s a good thing for you because you’ll know the changes to your role going forwards

Audience: Why’s that good?

Leader: Well, that’s a good thing for you because you’ll learn simple changes to make, both to be more successful and to enjoy your job more

To secure instant buy-in, since the last iteration is their agenda, start there and work backwards…

“I want to show you simple changes to make, to help you be more successful and enjoy your job more. To help you do this, I’m going to show you the changes to your role going forwards, by outlining the direction we’re going. I’ll do this by sharing our new strategy with you”.

Frame communications from their agenda, and they’re more likely to buy into yours.

Action point

To secure instant buy-in with your next communication, play the “Why’s That Good Game” with your title and introductions. Start with the last iteration, since that’s the phrase most likely to get them listening.

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To influence and persuade others, you must…

… appeal to their self-interest
… show that your proposition will add value to them
… help them see your proposition will make their future better than their present

So, the more future-focussed your communication, the greater your chances of success.

But, when communicating, people tend to focus more on the past and present, than the future:

• Companies often sell by discussing their past (“founded in 1922”), not the enhanced future the customer will get (“here’s how we can help you increase market share”)
• Interviewees often discuss their achievements to date, not the value they will bring to the employer’s future
• Conflicts tend to focus on past actions (“you shouldn’t have done that”), rather than finding a workable solution going forwards

As the saying goes, ‘the past is for reference, not residence’. Future–focus leads to more positive outcomes…

• Strategies land when everyone sees how their future will be enhanced by adopting it
• Arguments get resolved when both parties remember it is more important to find a solution than it is to be right
• Employers recruit/promote you when they know you will improve their division
• Conferences, workshops and 121s improve business performance when deliverers and organisers focus firstly on the business improvement they want the event to cause, and secondly on the content of the event
• Delegation is more effective when people see the value a task will bring, rather than just seeing the task itself
• Meetings and conference calls lead to positive action when the Chair prepares by thinking what they want the meeting to cause, not cover
• Customers buy from you when they see the value your organisation will bring them

Action Point

Think of a communication that is not going as you would like. Ask yourself…

1. Am I being future-focussed enough?
2. Is the other party aware of how their future will be enhanced by a successful resolution?

Incorporate your answers to these two questions as you proceed.

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‘Features’ and ‘Benefits’….

Two of the most common words in business.

Two of the most commonly misunderstood.

A ‘feature’ describes something. A ‘benefit’ explains how your future is enhanced by it.

• “This toothpaste is minty” – feature: it describes the toothpaste
• “This toothpaste will help your breath smell nice” – benefit: this outlines why you’ll be better off after using it

But “this toothpaste is the mintiest on the planet” is not a benefit. It is describing how uniquely wonderful the toothpaste is. And, because it’s describing, it’s a feature – albeit a unique, glorious one.

The phrase Unique Selling Point (USP) has contributed to many organisations selling by describing their own wonderful uniqueness… “we are the fastest, best, smallest, smartest”… These are simply fancy features, not benefits to others.

Have a look at your organisation’s website and brochures – do they talk about how great you are, or how much the customer will benefit after using you?

Three simple guidelines with benefits:

1. They focus on the customer, so usually contain the word ‘you’
2. A phrase is only a benefit if the customer – not you – perceives it as such
3. Benefits happen in the future, because they have not happened for the customer yet. This future-focus led me to coin the word ‘AFTERs’ instead of ‘benefits’. Why is your customer better-off AFTER buying?

Unless your audiences perceive that saying ‘yes’ will enhance their future, they’re less likely to do what you want.

Action point

Look at the words you use to sell your ideas, your propositions, yourself. Do you tend to describe the greatness of your idea (ie list its features)? Or major on how much it will benefit your audience?

If it’s the former, increase their engagement by…

• asking yourself ‘how does my content benefit them?’
• ensure you emphasise these benefits throughout, especially at the start, to engage them early.

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Last week’s Tuesday Tip showed one way to help get a ‘yes’ from stakeholders, by using BO (Benefits/Options).

This week’s Tip goes further, by explaining how to reduce the chance they’ll say ‘no’. And you achieve this by removing their objections.

Stakeholder objections are not objectionable. They’re real to them. You must proactively address and resolve these objections, in ways that make both you and the stakeholder feel comfortable.

The first step is to focus on the value your proposition will bring to the stakeholder. The more they see the value to them, the more likely you’ll get that ‘yes’.

The second step is to remove their objections…

• Create a 2-column table. List all their likely objections on the left-hand side, and – on the right – your responses to them
• Pre-empt and remove their key 1-2 objections, by including them in your communication. So, you bring them up. Don’t wait for them to… “If I was you, I’d be concerned about the high level of investment, given how tight budgets are. Well, let me outline why the return from this proposition outperforms our other options”
• For all other objections in your table, pre-prepare and practise persuasive responses. This is better than the only alternative: making up your response on the day, before your stakeholder’s eyes

Action point

• Identify your next key communication where it’s important you get a ‘yes’
• Structure your content, so it makes it clear how your proposition brings value to your stakeholder. Ensure you finish with a persuasive BO
• Tabulate their likely objections to your content, together with your responses. Incorporate the main 1-2 in your communication, using “if I was you…”
• Practise your responses to the other objections, should they raise them.

Finally, remember the Golden Rule of Selling from last week: when they do say ‘yes’, stop talking!

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Titles are an essential part of communication. They’re the first thing others read. Newspapers employ experts to write headlines. Advertisers and publishers know a poor title destroys sales.

Yet, despite titles’ importance, people rarely spend much (any?) time thinking about them. Their titles usually simply describe the content… ‘Departmental conference’, ‘Our credentials’, ‘Q2 review’ and the like…

Don’t believe me? Check the titles of emails in your inbox. How many grab you?

Uninspiring titles set the tone for uninspiring communications. A simple, effective remedy: add an audience-benefit to the title (or, at least, subtitle) and you change the context entirely. For instance, would you rather receive communications called…

‘Departmental conference’, or
‘Ensuring next year’s even better’

‘Our credentials’, or
‘Where we can bring most value to you’

‘Q2 review’
‘Q3 preview: where to focus, to optimise results”

Action point

Review the titles of your recent communications – maybe read the titles in your Sent Items? Might benefits-rich titles have helped secure more buy-in, more quickly?

If so, spend more time thinking why your communications benefit your recipient(s). Include the main benefit in your title/subtitle, and see what impact this has.

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