Don’t do things people hate

When things don’t go as we want, it’s easy to be furious.  It’s someone else’s fault.  The cards were stacked against us.  I didn’t get a fair hearing.  I messed up.  It has been an epic FAIL.

But did you know that FAIL stands for

       First

       Attempt

       Is

       Learning

We all do things that don’t work.  But if we’re curious about it – and ask why it didn’t work, find what we can improve next time, etc – then we learn from it, and hopefully do better next time.

I love the mantra “curious, not furious”. It’s a lesson so many of us need to learn.

And relates to more than just being curious about ourselves…

For example, we might see a friend vote for a politician we don’t like:

1. Instead of being curious – “What is it about that politician that appealed to my friend? Can they see something I can’t?”…
2. We react furiously – “What’s wrong with them? Why are they voting for that idiot?”

Or a colleague says something we don’t agree with:

1. Instead of being curious – “I hadn’t thought about it like that.  Please help me understand why you say that” …
2. We react furiously – “No, you’re wrong because …”

Or we don’t win something we entered for – a promotion at work, a new sale:

1. Instead of being curious – “I’m gutted we lost. But what can we learn for next time? Did the winner have a strength we could learn from? Do we have a gap we need to fill?”
2. We react furiously – “I can’t believe they chose X instead. It isn’t fair. Total stitch-up.”

So, some questions for you and me this morning:

1. When you “fail”, are you curious or furious? 
2. When someone disagrees with you – or does something you’d never do – are you curious or furious? 
3. When they say something you don’t agree with, do you say “Help me understand … tell me more” … or do you wait impatiently for them to shut up, so you can tell them what you think?

Action Point

1. I guess the first action here is one of self-reflection: do you feel you are generally curious/furious/both/neither?
2. Are you happy with your answer to that question?
3. And, if you want to become more curious, the first step will be to start asking more questions – help me understand why you think that … please can you tell me more about that … etc.

One final question for you – and this is an important one – of everyone you know, who would most like you to be more curious about their views?