My poor son…
Most weeks, I ask him:
“Why does a restaurant’s menu contain meals that you don’t like?”
The answer is, of course:
“Because other people like different food”
The point I am teaching (ok, brainwashing) him is this:
- Other people like different things to him
- This doesn’t mean they’re wrong or stupid
- Instead, it just means they’re different
- They have different views and priorities
- They see the world differently to how he sees it
- And that isn’t wrong or stupid either
- So, it’s more important to understand and respect their opinion
- That way, you’re more likely to understand and respect them
- And they’re more likely to understand and respect you
- So everyone wins
And he now gets reminded of all ten points just by my short-cut sentence of “Why’s a menu contain meals you don’t like?”
The relevance?
Today, someone will say something you don’t agree with. It might happen at work, home, social media, on the news… anywhere.
It doesn’t mean they’re wrong or stupid.
So we don’t need to react in ways that suggest we think they are.
So, instead of saying:
“That’s wrong because“…
…It’s often much better to say:
“I hadn’t thought about it like that. Please help me understand why you said that?”
You’ll have heard this advice many times before, of course – “seek first to understand, not to be understood” etc.
But my favourite summary I’ve seen on this?
“Many people don’t have true conversations. They just wait for their turn to speak”
Action Point
When someone next says something you don’t agree with, or are surprised by, consider replying with “I hadn’t thought about it like that. Please help me understand why you said that?”
After all, there’s a good chance they weren’t being wrong or stupid!